nickkallies
Excuse Me While I Explain What I Meant About ...

So I wrote a blog. I’ve been writing them for a year now. You know, with all my free time whilst I raise twin toddlers. I occasionally sit down between cooking meals, changing diapers, doing laundry, cleaning toilets, not sleeping, etc... and throw together some ramblings about my short comings. My mental illness, former addiction, parental failings, sin in my life, you name it. That’s what I do. I am an open book. I’m not actually whining, contrary to what some might think. I’m just not ashamed. I’m not afraid to be transparent. I just share who I am, faults and all. 

Two weeks ago I was tired and frustrated with all the continually and sometimes judgmental and contradictory rules of parenting and my own inability to keep up. So I finally chose to write about it. And most people got it. Most.

Mother of sanity...

Excuse Me While I Explain What I Meant About Toxic Death Cream
nickkallies
Excuse Me While I Lather My Child In This Toxic ...

It’s memorial weekend. We are up at the cabin with family. A time where we are supposed to be resting and relaxing. A time of thankfulness. A time of remembering those who have given their lives for our freedom.  

My husband has been working overtime and doing freelance work so we’ve been looking forward to this trip for weeks. We even bought our twin two year olds their first fishing poles and planned a treasure hunt.  

And then there’s me.  

A massive ball of, “just take me to the sanitarium."...

Excuse Me While I Lather My Child In This Toxic Death Cream
nickkallies
Your Instagram Life Is A Lie

It's been a shitty couple weeks. There it is. I swore. I’ve been doing that more than usual lately. Out loud. So if that is happening in my daily life, why wouldn’t I share it here? But it bothers me so much it cripples my mind. Self flagellation immediately ensues. That I am worthless. I can't even control my stupid mouth. I never have been able to. I live in one constant moment of open mouth insert foot. It's better I not leave the house.

I love Jesus. I do my devotions. I go to church. And I still swear. But I feel worse about cursing then I do about over eating, or about talking negatively about something someone posted on facebook, or that white lie I told last week, or a family member I still haven't forgiven...

Your Instagram Life Is A Lie
nickkallies
God Is The Best Drinking Buddy I Have Ever Had

I used to spend a lot of time drinking alone in bars. On a daily basis. I told myself that only sad alcoholics drink alone at home. This somehow made my addiction feel slightly less pathetic. I would sometimes rotate locations on different days of the week so as not to arouse suspicion. I would spend hours pretending I was working hard on my computer because I was going to solve human trafficking. I was going to end world hunger. Me. News flash ... I wasn’t working...

God Is The Best Drinking Buddy I Have Ever Had
nickkallies
I Thought About Killing Myself Again Today

I thought about killing myself again today. Not the first time and likely not the last. Some people have Cancer. Some people have Aids. I have a mental illness. I cannot qualify it’s seriousness or pain. I just take my medication and pray that it does not take my life. Many of my friends don’t even know this about me. Surprise.

There are no parades. No colored ribbons. No t-shirts. No races to champion the cause. No soap boxes with celebrities on bullhorns. Just a stigma. Just the shame...

I Thought About Killing Myself Again Today

The Twin Cities Is Harboring A Dirty Secret

The Twin Cities Is Harboring A Dirty Secret

Sexual predators.

In the music scene, religious organizations, ordinary places of business, institutions of higher learning. All. Complicit.

At this moment I am nauseous. And proud. Sickened by the stories coming out. Proud of those breaking their silence. Lately my feed has been full of girls and women coming forward with horrifying stories of abuse, manipulation, misogyny, assault, the list goes on. And there seems to be no end in site.

Let me start by saying this; I believe you. A million times over. I believe you.

The Great Toilet Paper Tribulations Of 2020

The Great Toilet Paper Tribulations Of 2020

I Got 99 Problems But TP Ain't One.

It’s hard to believe that just a few months ago we were all so relieved to usher in 2020. To leave the dumpster fire that was 2019 in the past. Fast forward a few months and it’s Covageddon.

Here is what I’ve learned in the last few weeks. Americans have a solid lead in the panic portion of a global pandemic. If it coughs, spray it in the face. Directly. Don’t avoid the eyeballs or the mouth hole. Just spray like your life depends on it …

Can We Talk About Target?

Can We Talk About Target?

I’ve heard it said that you can’t have too much of a good thing but these people apparently have not gone into a Target ‘real quick’ to just grab toothpaste and come out with the complete furnishings for a guest room they don’t have. Or a new poncho. Because looking like a potato cannot be passed up at 30% off.

How I Process Terrorism As A Christian

How I Process Terrorism As A Christian

It happened again. Another horrific terrorist attack. And words do not adequately express my grief. Grief for the deceased. Grief for the mothers, fathers, husbands, wives and children that have lost their beloveds. 

For those that lost their lives. The babies. The elderly. And everything in between.

So I sit here in my American home with all the comforts I could possibly ask for. And once again I am forced to move from ridiculous knee jerk reactions that are usually based in fear, to the truth. And just as a friendly reminder, fear is a liar. For those of you in the back…

FEAR IS A LIAR …