Dear Santa, All I Want For Christmas Is A New Pair Of Underwear

Dear Santa, All I Want For Christmas Is A New Pair Of Underwear

Tis the season for Spanx. Fa la la la la, a big fat nope. 

Can we please just take a minute and talk about a major issue the women of our nation are currently facing? 

Underwear shopping. Where your options have been reduced to a suffocating body suit or some nearly invisible string.

You know what’s more fun than going underwear shopping? Well, for starters, a root canal. Without novocaine. Done by a blind circus monkey. Or being forced to watch 197 consecutive episodes of Celebrity Apprentice. Commercial free. While someone is simultaneously dragging their nails down a chalk board next to you. Or God forbid, ...

#MyPinterestFail

#MyPinterestFail

Hey everybody, I'll show you #mypinterestfail if you show me yours.

A couple of years ago I wrote a blog about how Instagram is a complete lie. Every picture is just a false interpretation of what we want the world to see. Recently I realized that Instagram has a fabulous yet fugly step sister. You’ve probably met her. And if you are anything like me you can’t live with or without her. 

I can't stop drinking the Pinterest KoolAid, you guys. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem.

I have a problem. Send help. 

Dear Pinterest, unless you plan to come to my house and magically improve everything while I am asleep, you are dismissed. Truly. Just a few things that are better for my mental health than Pinterest might include: skydiving without a parachute, learning how to speak every language ever, running for President, solving the problem of world hunger, inventing a functioning time machine. You get the picture...

I Refuse To Join The #MeToo Trend

But probably not for the reason you might think. Apparently standing up for something important has become trendy and viral. Like a catchy and/or questionable article title. Something that either has to trigger your red hot “I’m offended” button.” Or agreeable enough so you will actually click to see what it’s really about. It makes me nauseous. 

Does hashtag activism even work? I have thought about this a lot over the last couple of years. Especially because I generally address issues that typically make people feel uncomfortable. Because of stigma. Not because it doesn’t belong in public discourse. So if you are one of those people that is easily offended or annoyed by someone else’s life experience, buckle up ...

I Will Never Be That Mother, And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

I Will Never Be That Mother, And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

There she was, in all her disheveled and irrational glory. Dressed in nothing but her bra and underwear, screaming at the top of her lungs. Pacing outside her tent in a sold out public campground. And the obnoxious wind, that friend that never really could keep a secret, carrying her voice through the trees. Curse words flying to and fro, doing their undeniable damage. Her daughter continuing, incredibly, to argue back. 

Welcome to the sh!t show...

Dear Husband, You Have Reached Your Daily Question Limit

Dear Husband, You Have Reached Your Daily Question Limit

When I got married my life changed forever. I was a drug addict and an alcoholic and my sweet Prince Charming was taking me on for life anyways. Even when I tried to give the ring back shortly before the wedding. He refused. His exact words were, “I want to create an environment where you can become the woman of God he created you to be.”

I know, ladies. Swoon.

And so I did it. I took the dive. Hurled myself down that aisle. Stood in front of somewhat bewildered friends and family (on both sides). Said all the vows. All of them. In front of God. You know, the Great I Am. Creator of Life. And I swore my allegiance to this smooth talking, tall drink of water...